You've prodded me with however many needles, and done however many tests. And, after however long all you can tell me is that I'm not pregnant. No shit. 

I'm being tested for infertility. Pregnancy isn't exactly going to be fucking likely is it?

*sigh*

I'm fucking 19....

I want kids one day, please don't do this to me....

I feel like I've been stuck in a rut these last few days. i've been reluctant to write in this, for various reasons, but mainly because it connects me back to Leicester.
I've been back here for over a month, and its gone so fast. It's different this time. I'm not worried about when I'm next going to be able to see my family. I'm just carrying on, not knowing when or if I'm going to see anyone again.

Today I was walking through town down by the sea front and I looked out across the water and it was perfect. It was a clear day, the sun was shining, and it just made me remember why I moved here.

I've got an evil headache, and I keep falling sleep, so I think I've caught the bug thats been going round. Which will be a pain cause I have 7 lectures and labs tomorrow. So I'm holding out for tomorrow to be a snow day. If it snows I want to take a walk to the beach to take photos.

I don't really know, everything just seems to be passing in a blur these days. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing? Either way I've just stopped to think and this seemed the logical place to write it down.

Now I'm mixed up.....

Pay day, makes work seem almost okay doesn't it?

Well its 2pm on Saturday 20th which means the worst is over. Four of my six exams are done, the fourth being this morning at the lovely hour of 9am.

In retrospect, they haven't been too bad. But, having said that, I think passing this semester is still unlikely. Relativity and Dynamics and Probability were always going to be the worst. And the exams didn't disappoint me in that respect. After being told I could start today I spent five minutes staring at question one kicking myself because I'd done the identical same question last night but couldn't for the life of me remember how.
I guess we'll wait and see on February 22nd when results are published.

The last two exams are Tuesday and Thursday and are Calculus and Coordinate Geometry. Calculus should go okay, but Geometry is likely to be painful. Once this is all over I will be sleeping for a few days.


I had my first proper day at work yesterday. It was defintely interesting, though very hard work. After a few hours I learnt that basically my life is governed by emergency alarms and bells. One goes off, I run to the console to find what room its been activated in, then grab a nurse and run over to the room, usually getting there to find out the residents pulling the emergency cord trying to work out why their light isn't coming on.
My back aches today, so I suspect I've been lifting badly. Then again is there a pain-free way to lift people in and out of bed? Even with two people its difficult at the best of times.

Today, I'm tempted to either have a nap then revise, or revise and then head to bed at 9. I've got to be up and out the flat by 6.30am tomorrow and Monday for work so I suspect I'm going to need all the sleep I can get tonight.

I really don't think I can do this.. I think I'm about to fail....

Well I’m typing this on word in some sort of vague hope that it may improve my spelling and lack of grammar. I’m also sitting at the computer in the university with the noisiest keyboard in the world. No matter how gentle I press the keys, it makes this horrific clicking noise.

Shockingly I slept last night. I went bed at 9pm, and became comatose, only waking up once in the night to answer my phone. I work up at 10 this morning and wandered off to the Arts Centre to spend a fun filled day revising Algebra. How I slept that long I’ll never know, I think I must have been drugged, or hit over the head. Needless to say, I won’t be sleeping for a week or so now.

Tonight, Mercury Rising is on TV. I watched it years ago, and could never remember the title, ‘till just now, so I’ll be trying to watch that tonight. (Its about an autistic boy that breaks a code, I’m sorry, I’m a Maths student…)

I got some photos developed today. It’s a film that’s been sitting in my camera for over two years. It was quite odd, looking through photos over the past two years. Some are actually artistically really good. There are some of flowers, which I’ve focussed quite well. Then, there are a few of my friends, a really nice one of me and this guy I was going out with. There were a lot of memories there in so few photos. I wish I could scan them in, but no scanner could show the photos clearly enough.

The plan for tonight is to pretend to revise Algebra, and watch this film. Beyond that, I just don’t know how things will pan out. I’ll be happier once this next week is over and four of my exams are done with. Hopefully I’ll revise this week, and make it to the 27^th ish, which is going to be my New Years celebration with people here in Aber. Wish me luck…